Why so many corporate stories are boring

When you tell a corporate story — no matter what it’s about — do you delight with details?

Details can turn a boring story into an intensely interesting one so that readers are intrigued enough to keep on reading.

Here are excerpts from a corporate story about a company planning a major move to a new location.

You can easily see the impact that specifics make in corporate storytelling when a vague notion is pitted against delightful details:

Vague notion: Chris decided to move his company to a new building in October.

Delightful details: If Company President Chris Cappetta were superstitious, he wouldn’t have chosen Friday the 13th to move his entire local company — offices, inventory and equipment — into a new building in October. But Chris had spent six months planning every detail of his company’s relocation. That’s why moving on what some consider to be an unlucky day didn’t faze him a bit. 

Vague notion: Everything was well-organized on moving day.

Delightful details: Moving day dawned at 6 a.m. with about 50 people on deck. The moving company had a warehouse and an office team; Chris assigned his employees to either the row, bulk, yard, rack or counter team, according to the plan. Flow charts with arrows showed how people and products would move to and from the buildings.

Vague notion: The new facility was much larger to meet the company’s needs.

Delightful details: The perfect place was right across the street. It had everything: a 28,000-square-foot facility with high ceilings and plenty of warehouse, storage, office, meeting and training space; a 1.5-acre yard; lots of parking for customers and employees; and room to expand for at least 20 years.

Vague notion: “Many people pitched in to help us get organized.”

Delightful details: Thanks to the Network Operations team, “office files and furniture were moved, telephones were working, and our computer workstations were up and running by noon Friday. They set up printers, calculators and desk speakers — anything electronic. They even stayed for two days to make sure everything was working right.”

If you’re writing a corporate story now, check yourself:

Are you delighting your readers with details?

Or are you simply dishing up vague notions?