Informal speaking opportunities matter — here’s how to nail them and boost your speaker confidence

Most professionals get only a handful of formal speaking slots each year — but dozens of informal chances every week to speak, be remembered and quietly build their brand while simultaneously boosting their speaker confidence.

All too often, however, businesspeople treat informal moments as casual instead of consequential.

This post shows you how to use informal speaking opportunities as practice grounds and turn them into an advantage by showing up clearer, calmer and more curious every time you speak.

How seriously do you take informal speaking opportunities — like hallway chats, networking events, roundtable discussions, team meetings and Q&A sessions — where you get the chance to think on your feet, make a positive impression, and showcase your personal and professional brand while also building your speaker confidence?

A few weeks ago, I attended a multiday national business conference with thousands of attendees.

Just like every conference, there were a limited number of formal speaking opportunities — keynotes, fireside chats and panel discussions — that gave selected speakers plenty of time upfront to prepare well.

They had weeks, sometimes months, to think carefully about what they wanted to say and why, develop key messages, structure their remarks and stories, and rehearse their delivery and executive presence.

On the other hand, with thousands of people attending the conference, the number of informal speaking opportunities was nearly unlimited.

• How well did attendees capitalize on these golden opportunities to build trust, make a point, share a story, be remembered and learn something new?
• Did they realize that they too were on a stage of sorts when they had a chance to speak informally with one or more colleagues in small groups?
• Did they take any time upfront to prepare or hone their impromptu speaking skills to connect and build relationships — and maybe even new partnerships?

Here are the mistakes I saw some conference attendees make when attempting to think on their feet and respond appropriately during informal speaking opportunities:

• They thought out loud — rambling on, going around in circles — not knowing the actual point they wanted to make.
• They talked way too long in a single stretch — either about themselves, an issue or a situation — without inviting one or more people in their circle to contribute or weigh in.
• They failed to “read the room” — and did not make a necessary pivot when something about the conversation changed such as an emotion or a new priority.
• They faked interest in a person or a topic — and then dismissed that person or topic before truly listening.
• They missed a moment — the chance to switch gears or keep the conversation going naturally to build a new connection or relationship.

The ability to think on your feet during informal speaking opportunities — which present themselves more often than formal speaking opportunities — is an important advantage in business that most people pay little attention to.

But here’s the good news:

Just like formal speaking opportunities, you can prepare and practice what you say and how you say it to get better results — and grow your speaker confidence — every time you speak on informal stages.

Are you working on those skills?

Most professionals I know could improve the way they present themselves — and boost their speaker confidence — during informal speaking opportunities by doing just three things differently:

Be clear.

Be calm.

Be curious.

Let’s look closer at these.

1 – Be clear

Message clarity is a skill you can practice and work to keep perfecting.

Those who know their point — AND how to get to it quickly — are perceived as more competent and confident no matter what the stage.

Nerves and emotions can hijack you when meeting and talking to new people informally; after all, you feel like you’re “on” and must put your best foot forward (so sometimes, you start talking and can’t stop, which can quickly chip away at your speaker confidence).

Since those nerves and emotions are real, it’s important to first acknowledge them — and then take steps to tame them.

It takes true curiosity to show genuine interest in what another person has to say. But some people never get there because they don’t know how to ask good questions — and worse, they don’t know how to go beyond the surface by asking one or more follow-up questions based on what the person just said.

That is why networking conversations often just die: There’s awkward silence because people are stuck not knowing what to do next to go deeper and keep the conversation going.

Let’s look at ways you can get better at all three so you are more prepared — and come across as a more competent, confident leader — during informal speaking events.

Here’s how to get better at message clarity — finding and sharing one clear message during informal speaking opportunities:

1 – Always know your bottom line

Before you respond, ask yourself:

“What is the one thing I want this person to remember after this conversation is over?”

Make that your headline, and say it first.

For example:

Bottom line, we’re reinventing the way we recruit and hire people.

2 – Keep your structure simple

In informal settings, don’t get into the weeds or recount every step from start to finish.

If you do, you’ll quickly lose people.

Instead, respond by relying on simple, three-part structures that are easy to remember in the moment: structures that have a beginning, a middle and an end.

For starters, try borrowing from the classic reflection model — What / So What / Now What — when you respond:

• What — Here’s what’s happening now
• So What — Here’s why it matters
• Now What — Here’s what’s next

For example:

Bottom line, we’re reinventing the way we recruit and hire people.

That matters because our current process is slow, confusing for candidates and costing us great talent.

Next month, we’re piloting a simpler, faster approach with two business units, and then we’ll share the results with the entire team.

3 – Speak in 60-second blocks

To stop rambling or speaking for too long when you’re asked to offer an explanation, practice discipline.

For example: Try speaking on a topic you know well — a current project, a recent decision or an upcoming change — in just 60 seconds (that’s no more than 140 words and perhaps fewer based on your own speaking pace).

Use the What / So What / Now What structure to organize in your head a clear, 60-second response — no more! — shared in a way that “leaves crumbs” and makes people want to know more details about your project, decision or change.

Record yourself. Play it back. And then be honest:

• How tight is your response?
• Are you diverting into the weeds here and there because you know so much about the topic?
• Can you make what you say even sharper by omitting unnecessary details?

Here’s how to practice calming your nerves when you are on the spot during an informal speaking opportunity:

1 – Take a few seconds to reset yourself

When you are asked to respond in an informal setting, resist the urge to respond immediately.

Instead, take a breath.

Pause deliberately.

Use that reset time to land on your bottom line and organize your simple, three-part structure.

Then begin to speak.

2 – Focus on your listener and not on yourself

Your listener is interested in what you have to say.

So give your listener that gift.

Focus on what your listener needs to hear from you right now.

When you do, you build speaker confidence by positioning yourself as a gift-giver, not a performer.

Bonus: Shifting your focus toward your listener and away from yourself helps you slough off those pesky, internal gremlins urging you to fret about how you look and sound, and how you’re being perceived.

3 – Rehearse on repeat to make calm your norm

Get into the habit of practicing these skills during everyday speaking opportunities when the stakes may not be so high.

Reset. Shift your focus. State your bottom line. Structure your response. Speak in a 60-second block.

Before long, feeling calm — not anxious — during informal speaking opportunities will become your natural, standard operating procedure and a powerful boost to your speaker confidence.

Here’s how to practice being more curious during informal speaking opportunities, especially roundtable discussions and team meetings:

1 – Master the art of asking open-ended questions

Open-ended questions not only open new doors for ideas, reflection and discussion but also motivate people to share real stories that others can remember and repeat.

Here are some good open-ended questions you can try:

• What’s the biggest priority on your plate right now?
• How do you think we should approach this challenge?
• Can you tell me about your plans?
• What’s working well?
• What do you think could be improved?
• What concerns do you have about this direction?

2 – Pick up the thread

When you hear something new or surprising, stop and go back to pick up the thread to ask a follow-up question.

For example:

• You said that project was harder than you expected … what part of it caught you off guard?
• That sounds like a turning point … what made that moment different from all the others?
• You mentioned that change affected how your team operates … can you say how?

When you pay close attention and pick up the thread, you show the other person you were listening closely and are genuinely interested in learning more — not just waiting for your turn to talk.

3 – Rely on back-pocket questions

If you want to go deeper, rely on back-pocket questions that encourage the other person to share more. Here are some examples of back-pocket questions that often draw out fascinating responses:

• What do you mean by …
• Can you tell me more?
• Can you give me an example?
• Is there a story behind that?
• Why is that so important?

Back-pocket questions you ask during an informal speaking opportunity can also help you start to build a real relationship and not just a fleeting connection.

Here’s the bottom line

If you want to improve the way you present yourself during informal speaking opportunities — and boost your speaker confidence — start by doing three things on purpose:

Be clear.

Be calm.

Be curious.

When you do, those hallway chats, networking moments, roundtable discussions, team meetings and Q&A sessions will stop being “just small talk” and instead become the informal stages where your speaker confidence — and your competence as a leader — show up.

People will notice how you respond clearly under pressure, how you listen well and get to the point, and how you draw others out instead of talking in circles.

Want to learn more about how to speak with confidence — not only during informal speaking opportunities but also formal speaking events?

Work with Teresa Zumwald: a 21-time winner of the Cicero Speechwriting Awards who delivers custom speechwriting services, plus executive speech coaching, executive communication, and speaking and training.

She can help you learn how to speak like a leader and AIM for Impact™ every time you speak in public.